I‘d like my partner to meet my friends / chosen family for the first time. Any advice on timing?

Angel: I've had many different versions of what integrating into one another’s intimate circle, family, and friends can look like. My natural state is to hang out with that new person I'm dating constantly, so in the past, it felt easier and more fun to integrate them quickly. Like, "We've been dating for a month. Come on vacation with me and my friends!” But that can lack intentionality and consideration of self so sometimes down the line, it’s disruptive to have the person I'm dating be around everybody I know all the time. Merging friendship circles fast can be a version of oversharing in the same way you might verbally overshare.

Something that I wanted to do differently in this relationship is take my time in integrating – because of that natural disposition I have to bring someone splashing in immediately. We wanted to prioritize ourselves and where we're at and then meet the other person there.

Having a long-distance relationship for two and a half years helped put that in place and felt healthy because we had more individual lives and then applied that to how we integrate our relationship with friendships. Timing became about: "Oh, I really like you, and now I want to meet your family and friends." Waiting for a little means that you can set expectations and intentions up front, then when that moment is ready to happen, say three months in or when things start to feel more serious or secure, you’re better able to communicate around wanting to continue having independent relationships with your friends.

Ash: Social boundaries can be important. I agree that trying to put those in place is something we have done differently here compared to our past relationships. Not in a possessive way, where it’s like: “These are my friends!” But more like: “You should have alone time with your friends”. Understanding that not everyone has to be together all the time. I’ve dated people who were in my friend groups before, so I’m used to the blur between friends and exes and integrating everybody. I don’t do that anymore. I don't think that there is too soon. I think it comes down to what Angel said about maintaining boundaries, because that helps to maintain friendships and your sense of self.

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