I’m nervous to talk to the person I’m dating about making our relationship official. Any advice for approaching that conversation?

Tom: I think it’s important to ask yourself how you would feel if they had that conversation with you. If you feel it's appropriate and you're in that mutual space, then it's the time to have the conversation. But also, think about allowing the other person you’re having this discussion with to have a different opinion. One problem with how we see contemporary dating culture on TV shows or in dating columns is that it's always so neatly packaged. The biggest thing I've learned, being in a long-term and open relationship, which relates totally to this, is that we react differently to the same situations. And I'm always surprised at first, but then it’s like, “oh hang on, we are not one person.”

If you really, really do want to continue to date someone, you do have to accept the fact that they might respond differently to what you’re expecting.

If they respond badly, if they're not very kind, or receptive, or thoughtful, or even dismissive, then they may not be right for you because they are not prioritizing your feelings as well as their own. But if they come at the conversation from a different angle to you, that is part of who they are and you will have to work out a compromise, which is a nice, exciting part of a relationship. Allow yourselves to co-find an answer. Be mirrors to each other, too.

The reason it is often a nerve-racking conversation to have is because you are handing over your feelings to another person. So it’s okay to tell the person you're a little nervous, if that reduces your nerves. But in these situations, I always remember something Shugs said to me years ago: Whatever happens, it's always better to have been the one who feels, who tries their best to communicate that.

Shugs: That's interesting that I said that, given I was Miss Uncommunicative. When we started our relationship we had been best friends for a long time. So the stakes felt very high to move from that into something else. It was a big deal and extremely exposing to have those conversations.

It took me years to get to the point of being able to speak honestly. I’m grateful Tom had patience for that. Sometimes the most nerve-wracking situations are nerve-wracking because someone is very important to you.

So nerves can be a good sign. For us, there was a lot of pressure and the stakes were high, that's exactly why it took so long to go official.

Tom: I remember when we did move from a friendship into a relationship, our friend said: "No matter what happens, you can't go back anyway. You can't unfeel the feelings." They were right – our friendship had changed by that point because we were falling in love with each other. So there's either having the conversation or not having the conversation, but likely the feelings remain.

I guess I’d also say: Don't feel the need to rush this moment.

There are so many stages to a relationship and they can all go so quickly. Try and enjoy the nerves.

Feeling nervous about having feelings for someone is an absolutely amazing feeling. That moment can be so fun.