Any first date tips as a bisexual person?

When I was dating on Hinge, I made sure my bisexual identity was front and center on my profile. One of my photos was a selfie of me wearing massive dangly earrings that said BI with the bi flag colors in a rainbow (I designed them myself!) and I of course had “bisexual” as my sexuality on the app and made sure it was public in my profile. I did this for several reasons: 1) Some people are biphobic and aren’t interested in dating bi people, and I don’t want to date those people! Whatever preconceived notions they have about bisexuals, it’s not my job to convince them otherwise and potentially traumatize myself in the process. 2) My bisexual identity isn’t a “big reveal” that I have to share with people on the first date. I wanted whoever I was going out with to know what they were getting into and meet me where I’m at, whether that was with genuine, respectful questions or sharing their own experiences as queer people and/or dating queer people.

When I started dating non-men for the first time, the heterosexual romance script that was shoved down my throat for years was suddenly irrelevant.

That’s part of the beauty of dating as a queer person: you get to write your own script, make up your own rules, and not feel pressured to follow the heteronormative relationship escalator that’s been laid out for us our whole lives.

That being said, it can be SO scary to go on your first queer date!! “How do I know if he/she/they like me?”, “How can I tell if they’re flirting with me?”, “How do I flirt back?” Let me take you through my pre-first date ritual!

  • Eat!!! Most first dates were after work drinks and started between 6-8pm, (a.k.a. smack dab in the middle of prime dinner time (for me at least)). Sometimes I would get so nervous before first dates that I wouldn’t be able to stomach a full meal, so I had my Go-To Filling Snack: baby carrots. Find your snack and eat up beforehand! Nourish your body and you’ll be more present on your date.
    Dance!!! While getting ready, I would put on a playlist full of songs that connected me to my most authentic self. For me, that’s a lot of classic rock, ABBA, Taylor Swift and One Direction. I would turn the speaker volume all the way up and dance away all my nerves. Move your body, sing along, and shake it out!
  • Wear an outfit that makes you feel hot and gay!!! You’ll look hot no matter what, but finding an outfit recipe that makes you feel your best is key so you’re not panicking last minute about what to wear. For me, I wore big pants and a tiny top and some sort of chunky boot or sneaker. Comfy, cozy but still sexy. Find your perfect outfit recipe and do not feel bad about repeating your outfit for multiple first dates - I promise I won’t tell.
  • Get your friends to hype you up!!! I would sometimes FaceTime my besties while doing my makeup to brief them on the date ahead and get them to compliment me excessively. See yourself through the eyes of your friends and accept their love and affection!
  • Remember that if the date sucks you can just go home early and eat some chips!!! The person sitting across from you is so lucky to be hanging out with a hot, funny, wonderful bisexual human. They are basking in your light!! If you end up not vibing with the other person on a queer date, it doesn’t make you any less queer, it doesn’t make you not attracted to genders like your own; it just means that person wasn’t for you. Get back on the horse and try again.
  • Remember that just because you’re going on a date with this person and you’re bisexual does not mean you have to do anything you do not want to do. Bisexuality often gets labeled as slutty, greedy, and promiscuous. I myself, have been put in situations where that behavior is expected of me. That behavior is not inherently negative or shameful, and you should feel empowered to do whatever feels right, but remember that you’re just there to meet a new person and see if you want to meet them again. Have fun and be safe!!

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