What is the key to a healthy relationship where both people are constantly evolving?

Roxane: One of the approaches that I've taken to maintaining the relationship – and perhaps “maintaining” is the wrong word – is that I'm endlessly amused by Debbie. I am endlessly intrigued by her, and all of her quirks. I find them to be a delight. I think you have to be willing to delight in your partner. Everything about her amuses me or charms me or interests me. The things that she worries about, I'm like, “That's who you are and I embrace this wholeheartedly”. I'm also a Libra, so I'm very even, and she's very much a Scorpio. I know that I am the ice to her fire, and that's great. I keep her reasonably even-keeled, and she gives me motivation to get a little spicy sometimes, and it really works out quite well. A lot of times people feel like they're tolerating their partner instead of embracing who they are, and I think that’s when maybe something has to be worked on.

I ask Debbie probably a million questions a day, which I think can be a bit grating, but it's because I'm interested in what she thinks about everything. I want to know. I think that these kinds of things manifest differently for different couples, but find ways to celebrate your partner for who they are.

I also recognized when we met that we were older, and so she wasn't going to change. I actually didn't believe she was 57, I made her show me her license, but once I understood she was 57 and I was 43, I understood that we were both fairly set in our ways. I think we’re flexible with each other, which is good, but also know that we have to accept each other as we are.

Debbie: We laugh a lot. I think that underneath all the passion, underneath all the spice, underneath all the negotiation or whatever, we really, really find each other funny and have a deep friendship. In the past all of my relationships just felt really like a lot of work, a lot of tolerance, a lot of shape-shifting, code-switching. While I do think we really work on ourselves quite a lot, my sense is that our marriage doesn't feel like a lot of work.

Something I’ve also learned in this relationship is to allow myself to be cared for by Roxane. I think that's a big thing because, in the past, I never let anybody take care of me. I was like; “I'm going to power through this, I'm self-sufficient, I don't depend on anybody.” I really depend on Roxane. I've let myself really depend on her, which is a first for me.

Roxane: That's great when you know can be not the best version of yourself and your person will still love you. When she's ailing, I love that I can take care of her and make her feel better. She can depend on me, and vice versa. Everything is vice versa with regard to Debbie, which is also great. We just have a common vernacular, and we've only been together for six years, but I still feel like it's new in some ways, steady and trustworthy while also exciting. We try to do tons of exciting stuff, which is also great. I highly recommend prioritizing fun where you can.