Will I ever feel like I can stop coming out?
This is such a layered question and something that is forever changing especially in our community, but you are definitely not alone in this!!! I think as queer people we come out everyday. And on some of those days, we might be introducing ourselves in a way that feels scary or nerve wracking or uncomfortable, but I think that’s the part that can change. As you become more confident and more sure of yourself, your perspective will shift on coming out.
I would change this question to, “Will I ever feel like I can stop being uncomfortable when I come out?” and to that I will say yesss.
I challenge you to start exploring the beautiful things that happen when you introduce your most genuine self to new folks or those you haven’t seen in a while. Yes, it won’t be all peaches and cream, but when it is a good first impression or rekindling—when it is a good connection—you will see the joy that is brought out in people privileged enough to meet and get to know the full you. It’s the same joy you bring yourself through once again coming out.
I feel, with this question, I can hear how tired you are already. Like the dot on the question mark is trying to keep itself up but it is just so tired of telling someone their pronouns, having to explain their gender, or make clear to another person that they really do fancy many more genders than one. That tiredness is real. Coming out is tiring. Sometimes we just don’t want to do it, and that is ok.
I’ve found, in a world that makes assumptions of what is normal and what is not, those of us that fit outside of certain boxes will have to come out a lot. And in my life I've had to do it a lot. At home, at work, when I start a new job, at the airport, to doctors, time and time again.
But if that feels a bit out of my control right now, I try and think of what I can gain from it. What meeting yourself so many times in a week, or year, or lifetime can bring.
Coming out, in whatever way that may mean, equals knowing who you are—in that specific moment—enough to say it. And although that can be tiring, I simultaneously find beauty in re-meeting myself so many times throughout my life. The cycle of coming out also lets me decide that I am who I am, and check in and change if I want to.
Love this question. Even though I’m already out, I still “come out” pretty often. I love sharing that side of my life—just not all the time.
I first came out because I didn’t want to always have to worry. I was a dancer in school—jazz, tap, ballet, hip hop, everything. All it took was for someone to hear “ballet” to assume I was gay. I walked on eggshells trying to avoid giving them another reason to think it or say it. So, for me, I just had to come out to live my fullest life. As I mention in my song, FIRST HELLO, it was a new beginning. I was finally able to experience joys that only existed in a world where I was out.
These days, it’s more of a want to keep coming out. Every time I do, it gives someone else the chance to, just like another artist did for me. But does that mean I want to come out to every stranger that asks if my date is my friend?
Do I always have the energy to unpack other people’s assumptions of my life? Yeah, that might be my friend, but why would you assume that?
You may never feel like you can stop coming out, and that can be a blessing in disguise. Your pride can inspire the same in others. But remember— it’s a privilege to see that side of you and it’s okay to protect your energy.
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